Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Perfect Storm

It amazes me that even in this age of technology and great understanding that devastating storms appear with little warning. The details and depth of impact are not realized until we experience it first hand, in real time. It seems the only thing you can predict is that human response will be remarkable. We often see the very best of and very worst of people in the wake of a great storm. In recent history, Hurricane Katrina demonstrated this well. No one will forget the painful images of men and women unnecessarily looting, vandalizing and assaulting one another after that great storm. On the other hand, the powerful videos of “average joes” risking their own lives to save a neighbor, opening homes and businesses to strangers needing shelter, and leaving stable careers to launch rebuilding programs for the thousands of refugees. Either extreme is remarkable in and of itself and leaves a wake of great impact.

Sometimes storms are not made up of rain, wind and lightening – sometimes storms are made up of circumstances that are very personal – and today is a pointed reminder of a storm that my family faced when our son, Ben died of cancer. It has been four years since we laid beside him in our bed, listening to Disney lullaby music , taking in every scent, touch and sound that he made. The ugliness of the cancer in his body was extreme – pain so great that we began to pray for the worst thing a parent could fathom – that God take him away. Those who share in our faith might wonder why that is the “worst thing” – that Heaven is a better place – but something inside me still longs for my son to be here with Jennifer and I. This is a difficult thing to explain – because without hesitation, I know Ben is enjoying things we can only imagine. The conditioned Christian response that he is in a better place doesn’t connect with the daddy in me that hungers to care and provide for my children. I know that someday, when I am there with him, that innate hunger will be satisfied and I will finally “get it”. God promised it.

Personal storms may have a lot of spectators, but few experience it. The things that we saw, lives that were changed and impact of each bumpy step of Ben’s journey was carefully connected and orchestrated by God. I mean it. I know this because of the outcome – the evidences that something much bigger was happening through our journey. At times, Jennifer and I were amazed by the way God was using our hurt to accomplish incredible things. This does not mean we were happy about it. This does not mean we were not heartbroken. It does not always make sense, but you know what I’m talking about. After the great loss on 9/11, incredible stories of heroism and hope emerged that inspired a nation like never before. I was there – a part of the horrific recovery work and saw the reality of that day. It was ugly. The things that happened within the boundaries of “ground zero” would eat away at you the rest of your life if you only knew. As great a loss as it was, somehow it drew in a nation and sparked “goodness” like never seen before.

Throughout history, there are examples of how incredible “storms” have accomplished great things. For those who experience it first hand, you taste something impossible to explain. You pray for strength to survive the heartache and wisdom to connect the dots and serve God well. For those who were spectators, great inspiration is born. You pray that inspiration sparks change and that you will live life differently because of it.

to be continued...

5 comments:

3Strands said...

Wow it hardly seems like Ben has been in Heaven 4 yrs---Ive followed Bens story some 5 yrs and I have been moved by youre thoughts and testimony, I hope that many folks can find confort and strength through you and youre family---God bless you and youre family---I know Ben looks down and is proud of his earthly father--

Ben Flanery said...

Tom,

I know that I cant even begin to imagine what it was like for you guys to go through what you did with Ben, but the things you chose to share with all of us have had a huge impact.

I started off not knowing any of you, but through your notes, pictures and videos i was able to see what a joy Ben was to be around.

Ive heard that the detail of a memory is in some cases dependant upon how much emotion is involved. I find myself looking back from time to time and I can still remember what day of the week it was, where i was going and what i was doing when i got the news that Ben had passed away.

Now, 4 years later, i find myself taking time to slow down and just enjoy life for what it is. The other day I went hiking for the first time in years and it felt good to just get away from everything, out in the country and take some time for myself.

I think Ben's part of Ben's legacy is teaching people just how precious life really is, and why we should take time to enjoy the time we have.

I miss all of you and hope to see you soon.

dena said...

Thinking of you all on this 4th angelversary of your sweet Ben. He made a huge impact in his short life. Keeping you all in our prayers.....Dena

Brad in GA said...

Tom,
Great post. You have a real talent for writing. Your passion for Ben and your conviction about God's purpose for him is really amazing.

It's so refreshing to hear your message of hope and the love for life, especially now when we seem to live in a world that embraces the culture of death. In the short time I've known about Ben's life I've found it remarkable that you and Jennifer have been such servants to others and allowed God to use Ben's life as a way to teach others this lesson.

I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child. I've thought about how I'd react if I lost one of mine. After going through something like that many people might curse God. Seeing how you and Jennifer dealt with it is a testament to your faith. Ben has a great dad. Awesome blog, great job!
Brad

Robin said...

Thinking of you all and remembering Ben.